D. Interview - After 100 days

 

• Where are you right now – and how far have you come on your long journey towards Assisi in Italy, the hometown of your favorite saint?

  o    At the moment I'm still in beautiful Mysore in the southwest. This is on direct routes about 300 kilometers from the Bodhi Zendo, the starting point. In fact, I've walked a good 500 kilometers so far.

 

• Is the pilgrimage still interesting after 100 days?

  o  Yes. Even if many experiences are similar, there are always surprises.

 

• What has been a very special experience so far?

  o   One thing was very exciting. This was the border crossing from Tamil Nadu to Kerala. I had been tense for days beforehand because of the lack of proof of vaccination and wanted to secretly cross the border like a smuggler. In the end it turned out differently and I experienced a new inner freedom in my stomach. More details are described in the 26th report.

  o   In general: My anxious encounters with the police all ended very well.

 

• Doesn't it get boring at some point?

  o   Most of the time I experience everyday life with advantages and disadvantages like other people have. But God and life is creative and I am often pleasantly surprised. But important, even in the "dry seasons" I believe in the idea of ​​this pilgrimage route. I have a strange advantage: I'm now at an age when it's customary to shed the horns. This means that I no longer have any inner pressure to build up something professionally or family-wise. That relaxes. In my previous pilgrimages, I have always felt that this is a special but temporary time. Now nothing has to happen anymore - everything is ok - on the whole anyway.

 

• Others your age are now looking forward to a secure retirement.

  o   That's nice for them. May they enjoy it deeply.

 

• Wouldn't it be nice for you to sit on a bench in the beautiful garden of your house in the evening with a glass of red wine and to have family or friends over?

  o   Yes, honestly, I imagine that to be really nice and sometimes I wish it would be like that. I would also like to enjoy other comforts more often - a soft bed and good food and good music. But each of us will be able to say that whether one is really fulfilled or not does not depend on such comforts. Anyone who makes his happiness dependent on being provided for materially or on the existence of loved ones runs the risk of lying on their deathbed at some point and wondering "Is that all!?"

 

• Ah, do I detect some arrogance there?

  o   Haha. Clear! – I can say myself that I am not really fulfilled yet. If I had to die today, I would be annoyed. I feel like I'm not quite there yet. I mean being totally in the present. To let things and people and above all me be as I/we are. To gymnast with the thoughts neither in the future nor in the past nor in creative thought games but to experience the sacred in the present moment without desire. That's the main thing. I've experienced it before in some situations. And I'm working on experiencing it again and staying in that state of pure, thought-free existence for as long as possible.

 

• How do you feel about dying?

  o    Hmm. I'm scared because I don't know what it's going to feel like, but my whole being is going to be violently ripped out. This will be terrifying. Well, you can see it positively: the moment of death will be the most exciting moment of our lives next to birth. Unfortunately I can't remember the birth. But I hope to die with a clear head and witness the miraculous transition into another existence with wonder and trembling trust. 

 

• Ah, you know that being dead will be good?

  o   It must be so. So many who have been clinically dead for a few moments are said to have felt wonderful. Some had no desire to come back into their bodies.

  o   And something else that I am convinced of: When our soul or our true, divine self will leave the body, exactly what some are already longing for will become possible: just being there without thinking. The brain is dead and thinking will stop - and that will be very good.

 

• “I think, therefore I am” said Descartes, a philosopher. Is existence at all possible without thinking?

  o   It is sure to say that without thinking our ego will be extinguished. But our ego or thinking is only the superficial part of existence anyway. Thinking is a product of upbringing, wants & dislikes, and outside influences, especially media manipulation. - But where is actually right now our deeper, eternal self, which we were before birth and will be again after death?

 

• Have your expectations of the pilgrimage changed after the first hundred days?

   o No changes. I had planned three things. They have become clearer.

   Internal cleaning is still the top priority. As often as I perceive "garbage" in myself, I try to observe it objectively, without thinking and to experience inner liberation. It works – and yet it is so difficult!!! I continue to discover "knot salads" that keep me captive and prevent the good in me. I also experience many unhealed injuries and aggression, especially towards my long-dead mother. But it's getting better. What I suffer most from is my frequent lack of generosity: other people often do me good and give me more than I need. Then when someone wants something from me, I'm often merciless - I could give a lot more. Whenever I seem to be cheated in a shop, new aggression quickly develops in me. - So it will take time. And it needs compassion towards oneself, which is not easy at all.

  o   The second important expectation on the way is the noticeable approach to one's own divine reality. I like to be in a different way in the Here & Now. I experience a lot of ups and downs here. Both are important. The down phases are even useful to wear down the false, inflated ego. After that, there will almost certainly be grace spurts again, in which something inside pushes me in a good, unexpected direction.

  o   The pilgrimage is a sign of trust in the good things in life. I cannot assess whether my path has a trust-promoting effect on others. There are many people who marvel at this pilgrimage, but on the outside it seems that for most it only matters to have taken a selfie with an exotic and to be able to tell their people something special. The effect on the readers of this blog is also unclear to me. The little feedback I get sounds at least interested.

 

•        Are you disappointed?

  o   ... Well, as a sower you are not master of the harvest. – But I've become more sincere regarding inner convictions. In conversations, for example, I confess from within that a virus is part of natural creation and that I trust its "determination". Even if I don't want to get sick with Covid or anything else - the adversities of life are an opportunity for positive, deeper experiences. That's what I stand for. I also see things more clearly around me: the big problem is not the virus, but the fears. I hope more people learn to look at their fears non judgmentally, rather than whitewashing them or running away from them.

I can stand up for the fact that a virus is part of natural creation and that I trust its “determination”.

• Your savings are now gone. What's next?

  o   Thanks to a few small and large donors, I always had a little money in my account. In Germany I could earn money again or apply for government support. But that's now irrelevant. I trust that sufficient donations will continue to flow or Heaven will otherwise take care of me.

 

• Your visa status is unclear again. Actually, you should be out of the country by now.

  o   As I said before: I am ready to bear all the consequences. I realize that this pilgrimage is like a vocation for me and I will continue it as long as possible. India is a wonderful country for that. Petra, my friend, wrote in a dedication "India is a spiritual mother". That's so.